kindered spirits

I am sitting, having a most enjoyable and clearly stated beautiful evening with two kidered spirits with whom I have had the unique and fortunate experience of meeting and conversing with. Fine food and fine spirits and people make my heart 'grow fonder', yearn for more, providing me the enegry I crave to exist another several hundred days at the minimum, knowing my mission is not complete.

onion man

I was asked to water the neighbor's tomato plants while they took some much needed vacation time. I did. Last night the neighbor called to ask if I had planted two onions in his flower bed in the back, on the table. I didn't, so I said no and laughed, "onions? You have onions in the flowers?'" 'yeah, and the kids think it is hysterical and they were all wound up trying to figure out how they had gotten there and I told them, Eric did it and they replied, "yeah it would be just like your friend to do that" and they continued to laugh.'
"But I have only met them less than a moment in time if even that and they are so young, why would they?..."
'you are the hero around here now. They thought it was truly the coolest thing ever so just know you are the onion man.'
"I will wear the title with pleasure. This is harmless right?"
'yeah, if you like to be adorn. I sure would keep the title. They are hard to impress and love it.'

jaundice

I have changed my palette as all artists do as I believe my words are strong enough to evoke a color and this gives me more time to concentrate on a thought and leave the reader more time to associate a word or phrase or group of words to a color that is my vision.

I learned once or maybe three times that much of the population is color blind and this too I have been finding to be true as comments have been steadily arriving via e-mail telling me that some color cannot be seen, but the written word is assumed powerful. A palette change is respectful to this fact.

And sarcastically, a palette change announces that I have been labeled jaundice, although I do not see it and joke of the condition often. It now appears in black and white in medical documentation and the days of asking and questioning are over and the wondering of what jaundice is or does can be put to rest and the remainder I will write about as long as I am willing and able and there are words to be spoken or written for that matter. I say it is the carrot juice I drink and my eyes are clear, but unfortunately, my laughter is perceived as denial, which I question, acknowledge and grin at.

My eyes truly are clear which is somewhat puzzling to most and a blessing to me.

friday 02.06

Sometimes I stare in the bathroom mirror and look at the withering effect that has taken place and cry, real tears, and know that the tears represent a sadness that does not follow me, but reminds me of the person I still am, altered somewhat in appearance but wiser and deeper in thought. I realize that each day, each moment represents a memory and a period that draws me closer to some and pushes me far away from others and the rest, they remain, untouched for now, but still thought of if even in a different light.

insinuations

It it time to state, but state simply:

I NEED and WANT readers, not insinuations, not editors, as to my thoughts and my thought process. To read further into my words is defeating my purpose of writing. This is being a CRITIC and I believe I have made it more than perfectly clear how I feel about critics... My writing is my feelings and my feelings are being interpreted wrongly which makes me wonder what, if anything, can be misinterpreted about a feeling?

thursday 01.06

This being the first day of the sixth month of the sixth year of this next millennium, I find it more than appropriate to thank all of those that have taken the time to visit acompletepiece, read it, scorn at it and recommend its reading to others. I never thought, nor really cared that a number as large as what is posted at the bottom of my every page would account for viewings, even if some or most are consistent readers and readership is welcomed, although not demanded or focused upon. As they say, if, in your mind, I throw you lemons, you are free to make lemonade.

acompletepiece GIVES me an outlet, to place my thoughts, MY THOUGHTS, as I go through my life path, my experience 'actively dying' and as I started, I continue to state that no one gave me rules on how to do this or what to say.
There is no right and there is no wrong, it simply is. MY perceptions are different and MY thoughts are different and this is what allows me to be an individual.

I have learned I am a warrior and I do have a tribe, a nameless tribe that is gaining faces.
I have a number and I have thoughts, genuine, thoughts on the process I am living.

And, with your encouragement, positive and negative, I will continue until I no longer am physically able, at which time, acompletepiece is finished, never complete and my sword has been dropped, my armor, tarnished and dented, lifted and my soul, freed.

Thank you completely, sincerely and with the utmost respect,

eric scott lane
the warrior

rock star

so you want to be a Rock N Roll star well listen now, to what I say...

third party inflections

Joe brought the bed and told me about a place where a bed was once delivered and he was scheduled to pick it up. The recipient had deceased. He called to the answer of a relative who said, 'Do is have to be today? The kids are still playing with the remote controls. Can't you pick up the bed another day?' So he did...just as he will someday here and I will not be here to answer the phone or here it ring.

wednesday 31.05

I sit here and wonder whether all of this is right or what right is supposed to be…Is there not a point that I am supposed to say, wait a minute idiot, I AM TERMINAL…what do you not get? Instead I am worried I will step on someone’s toes and
my insides hurt and
my mind spins and
my throat tightens
and the pain real, and I believe this morning more than others, that I deserve it and am supposed to suffer like this because the alternative is death
and although I am resolute, there is still so much I do not know and I must continue pushing foward, to do so is painful, for the body and the mind...

I see color, an assortment of color with the arrival of a hospital bed and I want serenity and blues so I make it happen with what is available and the alternative I do not think of, period. The bed representing the finality of a process I call my life.

monday 29.05

I heard your tears through the phone. Your 'I'm so sorry's' spoke volume. In this case your words were action, what you didn't say and the excuses: too much surface chatter, too many excuses. The call you will make tomorrow, when your tomorrow comes, will not be answered. Your self-created vortex spinning inward is unwise and addictive. But I am not your addiction, your addict and I have told you before, wishing not to tell you again, as the now silence I crave. Our chapter I have closed with courage and respect and if you had only listened, actively... you would have known that my whispers of sweet nothings were a goodbye to what once possibly was.