a moment back in time
When my focus began to shift in July of 2005 to what has now been called 'the beginning of the end', I was preoccupied with the little things, the every days of living to fully grasp or understand just how life altering my experience(s) would turn out to be.
Now when I am asked, and not often per my request, to tell my story, I have to calculate time and July 2005 is the time in which I speak of first, setting up a scenario that has been nothing short of miraculous at times, and a time which did not alter who I am as a person but altered what was taking place in and around me, my awareness brought to a height, never experienced before and never the same since.
When all confirmations came into fruition in January 2006, I see a beginning although those that practice medicine have tried desperately to sooth me, often stating that the time frame was much sooner, the deterioration taking place over a much longer period of time, although the end result they so often speak about remains consistent with the time frame that makes sense to me, not the one pieced together by medical professionals.
I often have asked where were stage one, two and three of my terminal disease only to be told they were there, just never seen nor felt by myself, medical professionals or others surrounding me. Now I look at the time frame and although still unable to put together a complete time line that makes sense to me, I understand what medical professionals were saying, realizing its difficult to doubt something when you are staring down at a box jam packed and always full of pills to be taken on a twenty-four seven clock, the rest prn...and some avoided altogether out of fear or some reason I am yet to explain.
And due to the fact I would be and was facing my own mortality, someone or many forgot to tell me how others might react, how they too needed to be protected as I could face my plight, they however, not prepared that in order to listen and understand mine, they had to face their own and thus it has been much easier for doors to be shut, distance to remain a best friend, than to share with those that once were trusted, respected and admired for what they were and are, not what I expeted or thought them to be.
Now when I am asked, and not often per my request, to tell my story, I have to calculate time and July 2005 is the time in which I speak of first, setting up a scenario that has been nothing short of miraculous at times, and a time which did not alter who I am as a person but altered what was taking place in and around me, my awareness brought to a height, never experienced before and never the same since.
When all confirmations came into fruition in January 2006, I see a beginning although those that practice medicine have tried desperately to sooth me, often stating that the time frame was much sooner, the deterioration taking place over a much longer period of time, although the end result they so often speak about remains consistent with the time frame that makes sense to me, not the one pieced together by medical professionals.
I often have asked where were stage one, two and three of my terminal disease only to be told they were there, just never seen nor felt by myself, medical professionals or others surrounding me. Now I look at the time frame and although still unable to put together a complete time line that makes sense to me, I understand what medical professionals were saying, realizing its difficult to doubt something when you are staring down at a box jam packed and always full of pills to be taken on a twenty-four seven clock, the rest prn...and some avoided altogether out of fear or some reason I am yet to explain.
And due to the fact I would be and was facing my own mortality, someone or many forgot to tell me how others might react, how they too needed to be protected as I could face my plight, they however, not prepared that in order to listen and understand mine, they had to face their own and thus it has been much easier for doors to be shut, distance to remain a best friend, than to share with those that once were trusted, respected and admired for what they were and are, not what I expeted or thought them to be.
posted by the warrior at 5:45 AM
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