I tried to slumber but actually am having a difficult night sleeping. It has been more fun sitting outside and smoking grit after grit and listening to the calls of nature, the survival of the species as a wail is heard from the distance, a piercing wail that signifies a fight and from the screeching and howling it was nothing pretty, but gruesome, too gruesome to witness I do believe, as the strong survived and the weak were silenced after putting up a pretty damn good fight that lasted over a half an hour or so.

Hearing all this while watching the clouds dace over the brightness of a night’s less than full moon only intensified the situation and made me think and wonder until it bothered me as I knew something, something that was cherishing a day ago was no gone, part of the universe.

But I understood that this is life in the animal kingdom and that we too are animals, just failing to realize our place in this vast universe we call home for now…

slip, sliding away....

visual Caribbean

As I sit and think late at night or early in the day, I do know that my excursion to the Western Caribbean...the highs, the lows, the sheer excitement and the few mishaps have left a lasting impression on who and what I am. Impressions embedded in my mind, questions I wonder about without an adequate answer, people from a third world that I think of, that as an American, I find difficult to understand.

The struggle and the strife were witnessed first hand and I commend the people, their fortitude and their willingness to share their culture for a taste of the once all mighty dollar, if only for a few hours with me, for me and my traveling compatriots...

back to Texas

I returned Thursday afternoon from my excursion to the Western Caribbean and found it to be amazing, depressing, exhilarating, fascinating, boring, lonely, peaceful, relaxing, hilarious and many other adjectives. Not left out intentionally, but the list could go on and on.

I met some fascinating people, some that I did not care for and probably visa versa, and some I will keep in touch with, but not like those on past excursions. As prepared as I thought I was, I found there to be many surprises lurking behind closed doors and in front of my eyes and after being aboard for five days, I still could not tell you the lay out of the ship without looking at a map and even then I might have to guess on a few places as some appealed to me and others simply did not.

To say there was something for everyone was and is an understatement but to say that it is a 'fun ship' is a misnomer too, as cruising with a medical condition to distant and impoverished lands has its ups and downs and sways, as does the ship as it churns through the Gulf of Mexico, into the blue waters of the Caribbean and makes its journey back to Galveston.

Some questions I have still are unanswered and probably will remain as such. But simply put, I took advantage of the time I had to enjoy myself, those I surrounded myself with and those that wished to surround themselves with me.

A mishap here and a mishap there did not keep the smiles off my face, however; looking back, I do not feel it is the 'thing' for someone to do who is terminal and hanging on by mere threads, especially my final decision to cruise alone.

I would like to have the time to cruise again, to different ports out of a different city on a 'classier' cruise line, but for now I will enjoy the r&r of being in a place I still do not call home, but a place where my belongings look familiar, Ashley Marie demands my attention and I know that so many love me for me with the ringing of my cell phone or that of persons I have met over my time here in Rockwall or as I call it, 'Camp Rockwall'.

I plan to put a visual show together and blog it as well so that others can try to experience what I was fortunate enough to, knowing I still thought of them, of you and all that my environment has to offer and so very much of what it is missing as I looked beyond the locked gates, watched the Mexican people watching me and the others as inquisitively as I was watching and still wonder about them as I sit, go about my daily routine, and think...for thinking is what I do best.