seeing the end in color

It has become truly a humbling experience to listen to what others have to say about my written word as I sit, watch and clearly notice the decay that continues. And although there still is some battle left in me, I know the time to dance with the heavens is drawing near, my stamina depleted, my words sometimes mumbled and my body getting thinner and thinner.

Still, I look at the positive, how I have survived over a period of time and hope that another can take from my writing what is intended, and that be something, anything to provide a hope, a challenge and a proof that amidst many circumstances for which I will never understand, one can survive and the soul can rise above and watch from a mere distance of sorts as the body continues as best it can to survive and that people, far and near, are there to offer support, lend an ear and show love, and be the love that I so yearn for.

To those that have given so much you are thanked as always and remembered as touchstones during my challenges. To those that have not gotten it yet or refuse to understand, I am sorry for the writing was before you as was I and if only you would have asked you would have known the answers you will one day so desperately seek.

thanksgiving2007

The holiday season has arrived and with it a cold front, near freezing temperatures, a smile and a silent cheer as I was blessed to make it to another Thanksgiving. There where many rough weeks and times when it looked quite bleak, but I still was able to battle as a warrior would, with the help from great friends and acquaintances too, and am blessed to say Happy Thanksgiving one more time.

The preparation is complete and we will eat around 3pm but that brings me little excitement as it is the mere fact that I am here that matters most and only, as my illness always reminds me of its existence, it still provides me with hope and the will to live and live I continue to do even as I weaken, see the changes and am shown the deterioration from blood work and further testing.

Still, never promising, a prediction was made as to the length of time I had left on this plane and I have surpassed it and for this I am grateful and even more grateful for those that have and continue to walk on my journey, adding encouragement and many words of wisdom that make me want to continue, hope and breathe another hour, another day and maybe longer.

Happy Thanksgiving 2007

As the chill of winter approaches, the aches and pains of my body show their miserable faces letting me know it is going to be a battle of all battles to survive and prosper without my spirit giving out and wanting to take flight. And if that were to happen, I

Its alright.

The ride has been great and I am happy that I was given extra time to see and think and do and just simply be.