day three

Somewhere along the line I learned or taught myself that the third day of anything is the most difficult. When I stopped smoking, day three was a nightmare, when I fell ill with a cold or the flu, day three, the worst. My surgery is no different. Today is day three and I have had more discomfort and pain today that the previous two combined. Now I can assume that day one was fairly pain free as I was pretty 'doped up' most of the day and remember parts of the day in bits and pieces, but the full day, no, I do not remember.

This morning I awoke with the intension of watching a meteor shower but the clouds where dancing so my plans changed and I crawled back into bed only to not be able to fall back to sleep, the area where I am hopefully healing and healing well, letting me know that it was there and most definitely in discomfort. I took medicine to lesson the pain but still was unable to fall asleep and finally, this afternoon, my body crashed and I slept for an hour or two, lying in bed for a few more just listening to my surroundings.

Tonight I will go outside and give some good tobacco to Mother Earth as a sign of my appreciation for all the beauty she is bringing me this time of the year, leaves falling and changing color, ducks and geese flying in packs above me and coyotes howling at will during the course of the night in the direction of the lake that soon will be developed land, vital parts of Mother Nature to become misfits once again. Still, the beauty out weighs anything megative I might be seeing or hearing and for this, I am grateful and a show of appreciation is most definitely in order.

surgery went fine

Yesterday was the 'big day', surgery day and the anxiety and reservation was there and thoughts streamed in and out of my mind as I waited patiently, knowing the end result would outweigh any trepidation I might have been feeling. The wait was the most difficult and quite long as the woman having surgery before me had a slight complication so I lay there without the ability to drink or eat anything, taking to my mother as my mind wandered.

Finally I was up and the anesthesiologist gave me a 'margarita without salt' and after that I remember very little until I came to in recovery. I asked if I spoke any only to be told I mumbled a few inaudible phrases and then said, 'no secrets, no secrets' which was me remembering the night before to be careful what I said as surgery is known to pull all sorts of secrets out of people.

I now rest with a catheter inserted, draining a bag several times a day if not more and will have it removed on Tuesday and then hopefully, will be able to pee like a race horse.

many days with constant themes

This past week has been full of ups and downs sideways to sideways and once in awhile, I feel as though I was hanging above the Grand Canyon by a piece of thread.

Demons shown their ugly heads to people I am quite found of and I have been a sounding board, which is an honor, but the fact that I cannot correct the wrong doings makes me toss and turn at night and wonder why such cruelty becomes an obsession with a few and they continue to spin out of control, hurting, possibly evening destroying all in their path and the saddest part of all is as the narcissistic behavior continues, more are hurt and those preciously hurt are hurt even deeper, the scars to remain for a lifetime although the wounds themselves might possibly heal.

Discomfort is a good word I use to describe how I am feeling as I learned this week that I have a urethral stricture and surgery will take place on Wednesday morning. Considered high risk due to my often talked about medical complications, I am not concerned, keeping myself 'doped up' on prescribed tranquilizers. I walk around in a haze of sorts but enjoy the feeling as I must admit the dullness carries over to my liver, lungs and kidneys and allows me to function just a little better although I promised myself to take it easy up until surgery and thus far, I am doing well at doing just that. Still, I will be most grateful when the burning stops and I am able to pee like a normal person even if it is temporary, as the stricture can return but usually that takes years and years are not in my daily planner.

The holidays are approaching and I have been an Internet shopper. Getting what I want and what others near me have requested as well. One for me, one for you type of deal and sometimes its three for me and one for you and habitually I do this and find it almost comical as long as I know the funds are available and I am taking care of the business at hand.

If I am away for a few days it is only due to surgery and I will try to blog as soon as I am able as I should have quite a bit of time to lay around and think, sound off and type. I had the surgery once before, many years ago and remember nothing of it so I am leaving 'it' in the hands of my urologist and my creator to allow everything to go smoothly and as expected with a return home on Wednesday at all but they are taking no chances and preparing me for the possibility of staying a few extra days in the hospital just so they are confident my body is recovering well and the surgery was successful.

Now, I try to rest and eat well and take my vitamins as well as smoothie drinks in preparation. Its my version of pre-op and so far, it seems to be working well for me.