My life was compared to a roller coaster ride the other day by one of the nurses to a family member and although I do not disagree, I do enjoy life and have never been fond of roller coasters so the analogy used was bothersome a bit, but nothing to dwell on. I have played a game of cat and mouse internally, being able to do one day and able to do nothing the next with very little or short periods in between where there is any sense of stability what so ever.

Tonight was a birthday party, one I was excited to go to. I had laid my outfit out last week in fact. I had no party, no Italian food, no vino, no conversation and there will be other parties, but with the other parties will come other days of illness and that is what bothers me the most.

My energy level drops much like a hot air balloon ending flight, only I am beginning my day and this is after a night of restless slumber but some slumber either way. Still, I am not asked how I can be assisted whether it be a glass of water or a bite to eat. Instead, I am asked to assist others and if I say I do not feel like it or am not up to the challenge, the battering and tantrums begin.

So rather than listen to nothing but negativity, I go against my better judgment and that of my body and do what I should not, counting not the minutes it takes to prepare the food, but the minutes until I am able to rest again.

My thoughts run deep and my writing has been sparse and not from lack of nothing to say but rather the effort involved in saying it, so hopefully, sooner than later, I will find resolve in this issue and have some one assisting me blog, with the intent of sharing more than less.