Tuesday

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silence broken

The silence was broken today in a lengthy conversation I had with The Warrior, reminiscent of how truly broken he is, he sounded, even the mere pitch of his voice doing battle to be heard as the wounds upon him are great, greater than any battle scars of any warrior I have known...

Although the silence broke it's obvious his machine (person) is broken as well. Sending pictures, one merely has to look and see that the decline he has weathered is heart wrenching and the aura surrounding him still majestic, but faded and tarnished, much like the TinMan in The Wizard of Oz, one of his all time favorites films.

We were interrupted several times as in his weakened state he was asked 'to do' and when he responded, it was more than obvious he is NOT treated as an adult but a mere child, the child that left many years ago and grew into a man only to have to retreat 'home' due to an illness that has not been fair, reverting him back into the mere child he so hated being out of the fear that surrounded him.

His mind once full of hope and will was less convincing today, it's there but his wings are ready to fly, several times his voice cracking at comments I made, knowing he was holding back tears and brushing them from his face much like he used to use the brush to show his true feelings and emotions on canvas and paper.

Never speaking of the past and asking why me, he fully concentrated on what I had to say, wanting to know how I was rather than talk about the self, a protection of sorts I am sure as the pain, physical and mental, are overbearing and continue to wreak havoc on him as a person on a mission, with something to prove and still professing that it's all about love, something I sense he is lacking in his surroundings as the loneliness of living with your family, having little freedom and few places to go as transportation is and has been an issue since day one, a day I believe he would rewind and alter if given the chance.

Still, with all the trials and tribulations, he still speaks fondly of those that have closed the door on him or those he had to close the door on for the sake of his mental and physical health, wishing no ill will toward anyone but only success, success he believes passed him by with the blink of an eye.

As the illness has truly and completely taken hold, he still manages to laugh, profess how simple life could be and wonders what the afterlife holds, not less secure in his beliefs but knowing they will be experienced too soon no matter how it's looked upon, realizing there are others who have professed their wish he had already passed as 'he ruined their life', stinging blows that have made a once quite social person an introvert out of the fear and the daily grind of knowing you are not wanted, rather tolerated as he talks about wanting desperately to leave his surroundings behind him to go
anywhere,
somewhere, appreciating a roof given over his head with gratitude, even in the most trying of times...

Through all this and more, he still has the courage to tell me how 'easy he has it compared to other people in much dire straights than he', a reality he believes heart and soul.

written for and behalf of one called The Warrior
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1 Comments:

Blogger LeeAnn said...

This suffering, mental as well as physical, I will never understand. There has to be a HUGE reward awaiting Eric for all he is, and has, gone through.

2:00 AM  

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