in thought

I have spent a more than adequate amount of time this week in thought, deep thought, trying to answer questions that I have unresolved in my head. It provoked even more thinking and more questions but also allowed me to cry real tears and sometimes for nothing and sometimes for reasons that are embedded deep within.

I thought alone and my solitude allows me the ability to continue to hope and I believe without a strong will and hope, I would not be writing this evening nor any other evening for I no longer would be here.

The surrealistic images that have been planted in my head from the hospice team of what my future holds demands thought and although it is difficult to envision what I am being told, I know they speak the truth and the truth frightens me for it symbolizes an end, a completion that I am not ready to embrace and accept as my own...

sunday 05.11

for awhile I have been watching the clouds perform their festive dances around the moon. It gave me time to stop thinking. The distant thunder played bass. I can rest now.