Friday

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wonder

As I rolled over and out on my winter gear, scarf and all, and allowed Ashley Marie to lead the way to the door in which she needed to be free of in order to complete her nightly ritual of playing ball and going to the bathroom,

I could not help but wonder if the euphoria I was starting to feel as I awakened and started my walk to the door, my legs becoming like noodles, my mind wandering off into strange lands, hearing strange noises, my breathing heavy, my eyes heavier, was not from the sugar high I was experiencing for munching on a dark chocolate heart or was it the encephalopathy, ( the toxins from what I ate rushing to my brain as the liver is too sick to process them currently or possibly at all).

And I quickly realized it was the later and not the chocolate heart and thus I knew my body was weakening at a faster rate but refusing to watch as the sand rushes toward the bottom of the hour glass, I refuse to look and am able to pretend for the rest of the evening that it was sugar and that the lights of tomorrow would flash before my eyes when I turned over to awaken, hopefully to warmth and a ray of sunshine,
my life.
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orange

My father must think that his return home is a right of passage of sort, the right to tell others what to do, when to do it and how to do it all to benefit none other than himself. His ego driven persona has been shining, even through the clouds and although his mind is not all there, his ability to order others around has not lost a beat, if anything, more in tact and with a stronger command than before.

So, It should have been no surprise when I sat down last evening to read and I hear my name called, answering and being asked to peel him an orange. I hesitated and said, 'you must be joking'. ...'No, I don't think my hands can do it'. Out of disgust I peeled the orange and presented it to him and he ate it, no thank you, no nothing except the paper towel it once sat on lying on the floor for someone to pick up, anyone but him.
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