happy birthday

After the ensuing cluster of storms rolling in from the West have passed and the ferocious howl of the winds have died down, the crackling of lightning replaced by the sounds of bullfrogs and chirping crickets, a dark cloud will linger overhead as today is not an ordinary day, nor should it be, as it is the birthday of Stephen, a comrade, a true confidante that completed his journey, prematurely, almost 16 years ago, finally letting go of that which plagued him, his battle with AIDS. And although I think of him and fondly of his name, never a day going by that he can nor would be forgotten as he taught me much about life over a short period of time, never thinking nor imagining that it all was for something, the completion of my journey with a different illness but many of the same fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams that he so eloquently and so nonchalantly shared with me over the period of several years and even longer until he was no longer able to communicate, often sending me a sign, something symbolic to remind me of his ever presence and place in my heart as well as my soul. A place that remains his through all the trials and tribulations life has brought, all the joys and the happiness and the learning that I now am doing , much of which he subconsciously taught me when I had no idea his teachings were to be so revered as sacred, to become everyday mantras of mine in one way or another way, some days simply to push myself mentally through the day and its bringing.

Often I think about the times we had and try frantically to remember the calmness of his voice, a voice that spoke the truth and commanded attention where ever he may be, a voice that spoke of spirituality and an afterlife, fine wine and fine authors, never one to judge but one to accept another as special in every right, in a manor in which many might find impossible to emulate and morals that are often only heard about in fairytales or stories of sainthood. Yes, he had his flaws but they were overlooked by me for I had no expectations nor he any for me as what was, was and accepted as truth.

Today as I grieve, I also smile for the honor, the privilege of knowing someone that taught me so much and left such an impact on my person, my core beliefs and subsided many of the fears I once thought never to be overcome...

...Until we meet again Stephen,
until we shall meet again,
Happy Birthday.

the petals, rose petals

The week before last I made a purchase, a coat, much like a hoodie only with a longer body and upper pockets, as well as cuffs that button, much like a shirt.

I knew that even with the heat of the Texas sun approaching and lingering around and about, my lack of body fat, muscular structure meant that in order to sit outside as long as I am able and watch Ashley as she gallops about the backyard, I needed to have something of substance to keep me warm.

True to my theory, I wore it for the first time tonight, not even taking the time to remove the tags on the inside, the inspection stickers placed on the inside of each pocket, left and right, and warmth was abundant but hot, not at all and the fact that it the jacket was on clearance for less than I can purchase a T is and was a factor in my decision to make the purchase.

As I fumbled around to get acquainted with my new 'digs', I found in the pocket, sitting atop my heart, dried out petals, rose petals, and I was pleasantly mystified, promising myself they shall remain there as long as I possess ownership...

An inspiration of sorts, a mystery too as the coat is new and I shall check with the manufacturer but can bet no other possesses the petals.