hollow
Today has been one of those days where I wanted to sleep in, read a good book and sip tea. Of course playing ball with Ashley Marie is in there too, but that is simply a given that as long as there is no lightning, you will see Ashley and I playing ball, fetch, keep away, etc.
Instead, the door slammed shortly after 7 am and with the slam my body flew too, not knocking me on the floor, but definitely taking any desire to continue to sleep about the wealth I was being given, I was wide awake.
I slid out of bed and counted my daily doses of medication, minus the prn, did a morphine treatment, hit the shower and went outside with the two dogs, as my parents had left for a medical appointment.
It did not take long for me to realize that I still was tired and after a bit I crawled back into bed, dressed for the day and all, only to be re-awakened by the door bell, which interesting enough, I am only able to hear it ding and possibly dong less than 10% of the time I have been staying at my parent's home.
After returning, my mother asked if I had any whited and I was able to gather some items to complete her load and before I realized it, I was folding a load of colors, the whites put away hours ago.
My mother and I went to Kroger for a few items and actually came home with no less than we set out for, me indulging myself to some chocolate and gummy bears and to my amazement, a bag of bit o honey ( sitting atop my list of favorite candies, at least as long as I am able to remember, skipping more than a few years as I was unable to find them and Mary Jane's were a mere replacement out of force, them or nothing.
As I walked around with my several items I ran into my mother once or twice, dumping items from my carry basket into her cart and I noticed how extremely tired I was. The fog was not roaming the floors or hiding in the air ducts, my mood was stable, I was and felt rested so it was not that type of tired, I simply was tired. Mentally fatigued and now, several hours later, the lethargy continues and I am aware that the disease I embraced is more than a formidable opponent and as I use the sir name warrior, I am becoming, not out of want nor choice, clearly attune to understanding the force which my disease brought and any move I have made to stay a step ahead or atop its symptoms, the ferocious power I am only beginning to feel, more frequent, leaving me feeling somewhat hollow...
Instead, the door slammed shortly after 7 am and with the slam my body flew too, not knocking me on the floor, but definitely taking any desire to continue to sleep about the wealth I was being given, I was wide awake.
I slid out of bed and counted my daily doses of medication, minus the prn, did a morphine treatment, hit the shower and went outside with the two dogs, as my parents had left for a medical appointment.
It did not take long for me to realize that I still was tired and after a bit I crawled back into bed, dressed for the day and all, only to be re-awakened by the door bell, which interesting enough, I am only able to hear it ding and possibly dong less than 10% of the time I have been staying at my parent's home.
After returning, my mother asked if I had any whited and I was able to gather some items to complete her load and before I realized it, I was folding a load of colors, the whites put away hours ago.
My mother and I went to Kroger for a few items and actually came home with no less than we set out for, me indulging myself to some chocolate and gummy bears and to my amazement, a bag of bit o honey ( sitting atop my list of favorite candies, at least as long as I am able to remember, skipping more than a few years as I was unable to find them and Mary Jane's were a mere replacement out of force, them or nothing.
As I walked around with my several items I ran into my mother once or twice, dumping items from my carry basket into her cart and I noticed how extremely tired I was. The fog was not roaming the floors or hiding in the air ducts, my mood was stable, I was and felt rested so it was not that type of tired, I simply was tired. Mentally fatigued and now, several hours later, the lethargy continues and I am aware that the disease I embraced is more than a formidable opponent and as I use the sir name warrior, I am becoming, not out of want nor choice, clearly attune to understanding the force which my disease brought and any move I have made to stay a step ahead or atop its symptoms, the ferocious power I am only beginning to feel, more frequent, leaving me feeling somewhat hollow...
posted by the warrior at 3:35 PM
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