dream world

I have tried my best to keep my mind and self occupied since learning that I would be going back on service, back on hospice. I know what the decision that was made by my medical team means and knowing what it means has done nothing less than make me realize that nothing is forever, nothing is permanent and although I have defied many, the truth predicted, the truth I have written about is starring me down like I would stare down a barrel on a loaded shotgun.

Spending much of my life in the water, I have taken time to do what is rare for me, watch some swimming on television, feeling a sense of emotion just as if I too were there, cheering on my favorites, walking away in disgust when the outcome is other than I had hoped. All this in an attempt to give my mind that much needed outlet of something other than me, my future and the trials and tribulations that have become more real with the passing of each day.

Last night I watched history and listened to the quote by Michael Phelps that went like this: "It seems like everyday I live in a dream world...Sometimes you have to sort of pinch yourself to see if its real. I'm just happy I'm in the real world."

I listened, thought and walked away, happy for him but wishing I was living in the dream world he so eloquently spoke about...

I shut the television off and proceeded to count out my pills for tomorrow, a tomorrow I hope will come as I have another couple races to watch, more escape, but my 'dream world' too.