'grounded'

I just finished walking barefoot in the light of the moon and lightning from an approaching Western storm, trying once again to my center of energy that feels physically depleted, mentally all over the map with the intention of calming down my aching body, my hurt soul.

The comments made by outsiders about my possible self destruction are not helping but worth exploring, the same persons who cast doubt over a team of doctors now stretching past four states that continue stating with certainty, my condition is terminal, time keeps ticking against my favor.

I realize those who chatter in my direction have been anything but truly supportive on my journey that now sees the need and want for closure sooner than later. so if grieving were to take place, they grieve their own pity for not taking the time nor the desire to know who I am from the inside out.
Instead continuing to treat me as the child they knew, the adult they have no time for unless it makes their lives more convenient, mine more destructive as I am forced into situations where I know right from wrong but their denial laughs at the thought that my illness deserves attention, that I deserve getting to know and they wish to assist me out of the labor of love that cannot be understood as it is a concept so simple but impossible for them to grasp, knowing deep that I suffer from their petty selfishness not just one day but everyday I remain tangled in their web of deceit and wrong doings just to try and find the harmony and balance I yearn for...