living in a brain fog
This week, especially the later part, has brought with it new complications that have prompted fear, confusion and a definite awareness of deep concern. Like the days of Fall where the dew sets in and fog covers the yard, the temperature brisk enough for you to think the time is right for a nap, and thus you do, sometimes for fifteen minutes and other times for several hours, my mind is doing the same the now.
However, it is not a pre-planned thought process, it is not Fall and although the effect has been rather harmless to this point, I know from past discussions with medical personal that this is a warning sign of the brain overloaded with toxins from a liver that has all but stopped working.
And although often I am able to fight the drowsiness, the dropping of the same cigarette over and over, Ashley Marie so often nudging me under the chin with her muzzle to make sure I am fully awake, I find myself dosing, without warning, usually sitting up and awakening as I would on a pre-planned Fall nap, sometimes fifteen minutes later, other times much longer.
It takes awhile for me to realize what has happened and get settled again within my person, often re-entering the house and having one ask if I had a god nap and the other laughing, commenting continuing with, 'uh hmm, we saw you.' The sadness is that through speaking with doctors as well, those asking such questions should know the seriousness of what they are witnessing, having had it explained numerous times for it only to go in one ear and out the other.
Conversations sometimes complicate the situation, conversations with persons who do not exist in the here and now at the point the mental fog is approaching or attacking at full force. And more so than not, I feel embarrassed upon awakening or stopping the chatter, knowing that my brain has been affected dramatically with the chemicals my liver is unable to dispose of.
Still, I continue to fight forward knowing that it is not the lack of enulose that causes such incidents (enulose a thick syrup designed to prevent hepatic encephalopathy) a set amount prescribed daily (5 to 6 times) and even increased when I am awake feeling as if I cannot shake the brain fog. The enulose, though, has stopped removing the toxins, allowing them to seep into the brain, making my days as well as nights more about the here and now as I am forced to concentrate fully on what is happening in the moment as to day dream could be to not awaken for several hours in the hot sun, on a toilet seat in the middle of the night or sitting in a shower, water still running as I remain half rinsed, wondering what has just happened to my person...
So far I have been able to mask the incidents semi well, but that too is sliding out of my control as I find myself more exhausted for no known reason and the 'brain fog' visiting more often for longer periods of time, the time in between lost, forever.... as those around me that see it, do nothing but laugh.
However, it is not a pre-planned thought process, it is not Fall and although the effect has been rather harmless to this point, I know from past discussions with medical personal that this is a warning sign of the brain overloaded with toxins from a liver that has all but stopped working.
And although often I am able to fight the drowsiness, the dropping of the same cigarette over and over, Ashley Marie so often nudging me under the chin with her muzzle to make sure I am fully awake, I find myself dosing, without warning, usually sitting up and awakening as I would on a pre-planned Fall nap, sometimes fifteen minutes later, other times much longer.
It takes awhile for me to realize what has happened and get settled again within my person, often re-entering the house and having one ask if I had a god nap and the other laughing, commenting continuing with, 'uh hmm, we saw you.' The sadness is that through speaking with doctors as well, those asking such questions should know the seriousness of what they are witnessing, having had it explained numerous times for it only to go in one ear and out the other.
Conversations sometimes complicate the situation, conversations with persons who do not exist in the here and now at the point the mental fog is approaching or attacking at full force. And more so than not, I feel embarrassed upon awakening or stopping the chatter, knowing that my brain has been affected dramatically with the chemicals my liver is unable to dispose of.
Still, I continue to fight forward knowing that it is not the lack of enulose that causes such incidents (enulose a thick syrup designed to prevent hepatic encephalopathy) a set amount prescribed daily (5 to 6 times) and even increased when I am awake feeling as if I cannot shake the brain fog. The enulose, though, has stopped removing the toxins, allowing them to seep into the brain, making my days as well as nights more about the here and now as I am forced to concentrate fully on what is happening in the moment as to day dream could be to not awaken for several hours in the hot sun, on a toilet seat in the middle of the night or sitting in a shower, water still running as I remain half rinsed, wondering what has just happened to my person...
So far I have been able to mask the incidents semi well, but that too is sliding out of my control as I find myself more exhausted for no known reason and the 'brain fog' visiting more often for longer periods of time, the time in between lost, forever.... as those around me that see it, do nothing but laugh.
posted by the warrior at 1:01 AM
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