Pictographic Divider

in memory of Mr. E. B.

I recently learned of a tragedy of sorts, keeping my thoughts internal where they will remain but upon hearing of Eric's passing, his taking of his life, leaving a family behind, affected me and will for my lifetime. A loner by definition and a mind with streaks of brilliance, his thought process often clouded as what he once referred to as 'recreational drugs' in an initial conversation took over his person and most likely his mental state as well.

As much as I found him to be brash, evasive and conniving, I often was told I was his only friend and that he spoke fondly of my name, wishing my fate were different, I wishing his where too...

A remembrance of sort knowing that he did for me when others could not and for that I am eternally grateful, and will watch his children from a distance grow, as I see the lights go on and them calling one another's name when they play in the alley way, saying hello when the see me, calling me the 'Onion Man' and smiling, not knowing that I never knew of their father's fate but did know he loved them and knew what love was when his mind was clear enough to distinguish between right and wrong.

To his ex-wife, I too can tell her of the times he offered, often to the point of irritation, to assist me, get me out of the house and see Dallas for what Dallas had to offer. Once taking me on a tour that was historic, classical music in the background, showing me parts of the city I never have seen since nor will again and his knowledge, impressive, as he had studied and researched that which intrigued him and me as well.

He gave me a cryptic goodbye a year ago to the date, telling me all was amicable, he was going back to Shreveport to care for his ailing mother, leaving his wife on her terms and reassuring me again, all was for the best. The Mercedes wagon he drove sat in the driveway for months, collecting dirt that was washed off by a rare summer rain and one day it too was gone, a closure of sorts to his life here.

A life he was never proud of, a place he never wanted to reside but did so willingly as it was his wife's career that provided the essentials as he piddled about with projects of extravagance, none that I ever saw to conclusion, or success. Once a used car salesman, it was obvious in the way he spoke to others, always swindling, labeled as different, with his erratic behavior yet always willing to look out for the other guy, just not himself in the proper light and haunted by demons, the stresses the mundane took upon his person, his way of thinking, his masterful plans.

In G-D's speed Mr. B. as we will see one another again and never will I ask why, as a loner thinks alone and acts alone, not realizing that all the tiny pieces, be they right or wrong, good or bad, must now be cleaned up by those left behind, those he did not consider as he was incapable at that moment and possibly he did think it all through, realizing his downward spiral but it was quicksand he saw and there was no escape other than the hope of an afterlife...

His journey has ended, prematurely at best, no alternative, thinking alone as a loner does and ending a life that went from happiness to misery with a sip of Dr. Pepper and the chewing of a pill...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahh,,, I am sorry.

I love you...mama bear

12:36 PM  

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