Pictographic Divider

true colors

I locked the door behind me, leaving the house on foot, heading North and waiting for a tear to fall but there were none. I lifted my sunglasses hoping a tear would fall but instead the feeling stayed in my throat, my gut churning and my mind wandering far, far away from where I was and where I was headed, still paying attention to my loyal companion, Ashley Marie.

My head pounding and my nose running, I continued on a journey, a ride never given a second thought as the mere asking caused chaos as it most always does.

I had a prescription to get and knew my dog, my music would keep me company as I watched the cars passing me at a steady rate, wishing, simply wishing as I turned again and vomited along side of the road in one of the bags I brought with me.

Someone saw me, they had too and someone most likely knew me, the neighborhood is not that large, but no one stopped, that would be too kind, a random act, something only seen in a Hollywood movie or an occasional commercial for attention sake and nothing more.

I got the Z pack and paid my co-payment, the technician telling me I did not look so good. If she only knew the truth, the truth hiding my true colors buried under the layers of dust and clutter I see from room to room as I walk through the house wondering what I will get yelled at for next, what I might be blamed for or accused of, knowing my body too weak to fight back as it continues on and praying tonight under the mystical glow of the full moon to leave so much sooner than later...

The plane flew by as it usually does and I watched the blinking of the lights flicker in a set pattern, knowing not where it was going but wishing, always wishing I was on it, smiling and talking to those sitting next to me as they learn who I am out of want and me telling them out of need, the feeling of excitement squandered as the engines can no longer be heard and the lights too far in the distance to be seen.

My body walks slowly back to where I try to slumber, my mind having left many a month ago, not to return as the pain is too great, the hurt too deep and the reality of where I am sadly soaking into my pores as I try to scrub the feelings away only to scrub so hard I bled gen myself out of what I have been made into...

... the child that was, still afraid and scared at all that surrounds him just like yesteryear and before.


Blogger kj said...


1:23 AM  

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