now

It took not long after I finished my Z pack to speak with the doctor's office, let them know that I was still coughing and blowing the color of green peas, for the Dr. to place me on another antibiotic for fourteen days, twice a day, an antibiotic that, with all the medicine I currently am on, has more warnings on the bottle than any other, that has a PDR quite lengthy which I certainly will not read out of the mere fear it might create within me to keep me from completing or even taking the antibiotic at all.

I know, to the dismay of some and the delight of others, the infection is deep, and has worsened in a very short amount of time, taking with it my energy, appetite, will to motivate and a mind full of hope and the will of the warrior. Instead I am trying to rest, sometimes doing better than other times, not so well as I write at this late hour.

Ad when I rest I think and realize more and more everyday that I am a stranger in my own environment and the person that is looked at, if looked at at all, is looked at as a disease, the me having already disappeared. My intentions questioned, my motives questioned, my inner being questioned possibly out of boredom, lack of something better to do or the realization that I have come to,
that my stay is no longer welcome as I am able to do less and less, never trusted, never looked at as who I am but who I am thought to be for the benefit of another, so parallel to when I was a child so many years ago...