Thursday

Pictographic Divider

closing in

Just as Spring rises with the sun and shows a glimpse of her face, the blow wind from the North closes in and fast, reversing all the signs previously visible by the naked eye and heard by the ears the day before, the previous night or a day to follow.

The white blossoms that were once calm and adorning the background of the subdivision slowly disappear as fast as they appeared, ending up in pieces for the dogs to chase around the backyard, blossoms gone, temperatures again dipping as if Old Man Winter continues to show his all mighty grace, his power and let all know that he is not yet finished.

And soon, we all will be wishing for the signs and the sounds still heard and toyed with, as the temperatures will rise and the heat will scorch the bottoms of our feet, until calluses are formed, slowly, over time.

The clocks are changed this Saturday letting us know that we are getting ever so closer to what has been, to me, a rough ride, a very rough ride of frigidity playing havoc with an already fragile system that has so little left in its tank to enjoy the beauty about and beginning to sprout all around as the ducks again quack, the birds fly in unison and build nests in gutters and feed off of feeders, leaves showing on branches that once were bare and storms building off in the distance awaiting their turn to wreak havoc upon all in its path...

Its mother nature at its finest as music is heard and a foreign language is mumbled loudly, nothing I can understand but knowing that the pounding of the hammers will take away more of the beauty already lost and as each day passes, the animals, the trees, the walkers will see less and less as the once beautiful setting changes to one of progress as homes bigger, closer and more costly than before take shape and claim their stake and place where nature once thrived, was enjoyed and admired for what it was and is.

And as the environment changes I change, often for the worse as my symptoms become more pronounced, my medications harder to swallow, my boy weaker and weaker and my body structure nothing but a skeleton waiting its turn to meet the creator of all I have mentioned and so much more...

I stopped counting at 30 pills per day knowing that soon a decision, my decision has to be made to to whether to continue the path of being kept alive by medication that is doing its own irreversible damage or I look deep within and decide I have had enough, felt enough and experienced enough at a young age.

And no matter how I look at it, there is no right answer, nothing that soothes my soul and answers my prayers as the grim reaper stays placed upon my shoulders, weighing me down a little more each day, just as I am about to enter my favorite time of the year, with less to offer and feelings strong, knowing that what ever I decide all that is around me will remain, change some, but remain and a memory I too will become like the tree's blossoms I watched blown with the velocity of the wind, the branches again showing signs of little life as they did only a week or two ago, much like my body, physically going up and going down, it becoming harder to get out of bed for longer periods of time without having to break and re-group, rest some more and try again, with patience, but knowing the end is closing faster than I wish for but longer than I expected at first beginnings.
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