in interest of self or otherwise

For some reason I thought this time might be different, but it was not.

I push and my body revolts…

a constant battle I have been playing lately, a battle I cannot win, nor should I try to as this is not a game, this is my life and I am not doing my best to take’ care’ of myself and this I know, have known and continue to not touch it, allowing the negativity I am self creating to pile up like dust bunnies in the corner that can be seen at the right angle but go untouched, ignored until they have to be addressed.

Unfortunately, I do not have the time to play such a game, to treat myself so poorly and convince myself that next time will be different, forgetting that I am starting to use up my next times out of selfish reasons or possibly no reasons at all other than I am tired, very tired and that is enough for me...

The sabotage has to stop. The punishment has to stop I have fallen into a trap of unworthiness, heard over and pver by those I live with and the ramifications are...my life.