post surgery

I returned to the urologist on Tuesday and the catheter was removed so now other than a lot of soreness, some swelling and bits of black and blue, I am healing and in my opinion, healing well. I did not realize how much the surgery had taken out of me until I had the time to think about it yesterday.

I spent too much time pushing myself and doing for myself as there was no one there to offer or to assist with laundry, food, the basics. Its not something new. It is something that has become my life. I continue to be a giver and help as much as I am able and then as soon as I turn around to take a break, I am asked to help another. However, when I ask for help, the help is not there or it begins with bantering and yelling and wondering why I need it, why can't you wait or tomorrow, I hear a lot of tomorrows.

So now when I make a statement and the statement is something that does not want to be heard by one or another of my parents, I am told to go to bed. 8:30 am, go to bed. 1:35pm, go to bed. And many days I prefer to stay in bed as it is the only place where i can find warm and inner peace and solitude.