sunday 30.07

I awoke this morning with an agenda to accomplish little things and more importantly discover that which is missing. That which is awaking me at night without rhyme or reason, that which frightened me at twelve past two am, caused me to lift my head, walk around and end up in the backyard thinking, always thinking, and taking a long smoke of the cigarette I so carefully planted next to the chair, my water and the ashtray, in that order and for the reason of none other than false comfort.

And when I have completed what is becoming an all too frequent ritual I light another one hoping to yawn or see another sign of sleepiness or maybe even the answer that awoke me to begin with, that something is missing I feel down deep, capturing my essence with no proper fore warning and the residual affects troubling and sad...at best.

I carried through with my chores of few hoping that the feeling of missing would lift like the darkness and the clock would stop reminding me of that which I cannot fully grasp and instead, the missing continues and it is something.