friday 27.07

I went to bed at a semi decent hour for me, early even by standards of others in the house, possibly because my stomach was communicating in a foreign language and I new not what it was saying, just that the louder and longer mumbles did nothing for my equilibrium and desire to accomplish something late nightish.

I did not fall asleep yawning or even with a light on. I simply feel asleep with a raw gut and new my options were few and the best idea thinking at the moment was to turn out the lights and give it another try today, after a few hours of silence and settlement.

Silence and settlement being true, I awoke to the same degree of uncomfortable I remember only hours ago and in keeping with the psychological 'feel good nature' Fridays tend to bring I will wait, not with anticipation nor too much thought, to see if my physical attitude improves with the passing of the day.

I long for that spark in my social calendar which was misplaced and found next to the curb, flattened, like a tire that had participated in unwanted road rage and I am determined that with the right fixer up I too will soon and once again begin to reap the reward a Friday can and has brought, still keeping in mind my medication is not stable and to do so would only lengthen my stay on an island I have complained about for the better part of the week.

So cautiously I will lift a shade or two, sunglasses ready to provide cover and resign myself to the idea that it is becoming more important to yearn for the ability to create my own trouble, graceful or not, as the purpose in doing so will give me that needed social spark and I have the weekend to fully recover from an adventure gone bad or simply just misdirected. Besides I already prepared myself for something, self exploration in California and the thought of no exploration at all does nothing but frighten me, add the fact that I remain in Texas with no exodus to call my own is worrisome.