jumbled

My inability to travel this week to Northern California gave me too much time to think and reflect on what I want and what I have needed to maintain my happiness. If I knew then what I know now, an often overstated, but sometimes quite wise phrase and in my situation, for my sanity and even maybe the sanity of those around me, I would not have made the move to Dallas a permanent move. It was not the giving everything I owned, and they were things, but they were also my things away and more too often watching as people piltered through that what they wanted or thought they needed, leaving the rest for a dumpster . It was just people period and not having a solid foundation around me and in front of me, especially in Dallas to assist me with the often raw and always exposed emotion, human emotion, I would battle out of respect and self dignity.

Now that I am here I still think and often plan to get a medical release that will be my golden ticket to instantly change my situation for my better, my liking and my convenience. And although I have been told by more than one medical professional this is a pipedream, a not expected to happen in my remaining time.

Too many thirty days passed prior to me returning to the nest and although my rationale was warranted at the time, I never stopped to think how my disease process would affect me and the constant alone time would become an enemy of sorts too, the isolation grueling, the lack of socialization a sentence for self destruction.