peace over shadow

I had a visit from my physician today, one of the many that are consultants on my case, but the PCP who specializes in care giving, more specifically hospice. We made a decision to alter my medicine and this alteration is significant for I will abstaining from some quite powerful class II narcotics for
Methadone
which immediately conjures an image, positive or negative in one's mind. And although the decision was one that was thought medically to be the best choice for pain management as my internal systems decay it also has ramifications for me as far as perception and what I have always thought methadone to be verses what it truly is. Methadone is currently being used as one of the most effective drugs to treat chronic and severe pain. I assumed it was used for strictly heroine withdrawal.

The end result is further comfort and preservation of dignity and I listened intently as the doctor spoke to me, aside from the others present and I knew he was asking my spiritual readiness to make such a switch.

I immediately sensed that to entertain Methadone I was understanding the finality of my terminal state and the fact that my life could be calculated now in days, possibly months but certainly no more years in his opinion.

And I felt at peace with my decision, knowing I still hold hope and cling to borrowed time but often see shadows that are not part of this 'life'.