losing religion
I am not sure where or how I had the profound thought that religion was going to have to be addressed during this 'phase' of my life, hoping by some miracle that I would be avoiding the issue altogether but knowing that humanism would show itself time and time again making the idea of not talking religion or much philosophy 'for that matter', a no-brainer.
The bottom line, I am a deeply spiritual being and have always believed myself to be such without fancy titles, stained glass windows, bible study and tiding. And as my illness advances I lean on my spiritual to help explain that which is too surreal, too unimaginable for me to comprehend and the fact that I have had spiritual conversations with those that matter most, me and my G-D, only solidifies my belief in the something out there is greater and energy does not die mentality.
The foreshadowing of the bright lights, the paths of an unknown origin and my daily ability to cope have not even entered into my conviction, my spiritual conviction. However, my dealing with people and often human beings having a spiritual experience and not the reverse brings religion to the fore front of my thinking as I am disturbed (out of a lack for another word or words) at the number that continue to 'push' religious thought and teaching, their understanding as the only truth, the only path I should follow. The fact that their beliefs, meant well, but are different than my own, does not STOP them from speaking their chosen words or giving me their favorite religious book, saying or otherwise, it only increases in frequency and one reason I try to avoid religion in my conversation.
I have witnessed a number, and the count is greater than first imagined, define my illness by their G-D like attitude, their RELIGION, leaving nothing for chance in a world that I believe is SPIRITUAL. My mind cannot be altered and the topic of religion on Sunday, closed for discussion and understandably so, even more in the here and now, does little to comfort me and my soul. It becomes another opportunity for others to try to re-affirm their religious conviction with me, around me and about me, as the only way, the TRUTH and I find the conversation more irritating than soothing, the props and a few acts not random kindness, but rather their selfless or selfish attempt to gain attention of a higher power, making sure that I am CONVERTED on their terms and their terms only, set by the laws that they believe to be true and factual.
And although stories have been shared of others they know having experienced a terminal illness, those beliefs now tossed my direction, were once tossed the direction of those 'others' and did not keep the others from death and dying and will not keep me from death and dying either.
Instead, they are able to re-affirm their religious posture, look at mortality and try to define its meaning through man-made words crafted to be those of G-D. This allows them to try to understand something that I fully do not and they do not either, terminal illness. It is comforting to believe that one is in 'G-Ds hands' and preferably, their G-D, not the G-D of the one who has passed or is nearing the end of life. We believe what we understand and accept as truth. We share our truth with another, hoping they will validate our truth. Religion is something that although deeply personal, is often questioned and needs validation through the spreading of a gospel, the word of G-D.
Amazingly on this day, as all others in the past that I can remember, each person has a different interpretation of the word of G-D, a message taught by man and woman and by spreading that word, one is able to better accept and deal, even understand a part of life, a part that I believe is spiritual and sacred to be left up to individual thought and interpretation and pondered not always as fact, but as a way of viewing 'things', symbolically, metaphorically, self expressed to comfort the mind of those left behind, not those who's energy has changed form through already having experienced death.
I will continue to listen and accept with kindness, words and tokens and symbols of another's religious experience. I will be a spiritual being through human experience and realize that a human being through a spiritual experience is different and too often seen as 'the way', many times, the 'only way', or religion.
The bottom line, I am a deeply spiritual being and have always believed myself to be such without fancy titles, stained glass windows, bible study and tiding. And as my illness advances I lean on my spiritual to help explain that which is too surreal, too unimaginable for me to comprehend and the fact that I have had spiritual conversations with those that matter most, me and my G-D, only solidifies my belief in the something out there is greater and energy does not die mentality.
The foreshadowing of the bright lights, the paths of an unknown origin and my daily ability to cope have not even entered into my conviction, my spiritual conviction. However, my dealing with people and often human beings having a spiritual experience and not the reverse brings religion to the fore front of my thinking as I am disturbed (out of a lack for another word or words) at the number that continue to 'push' religious thought and teaching, their understanding as the only truth, the only path I should follow. The fact that their beliefs, meant well, but are different than my own, does not STOP them from speaking their chosen words or giving me their favorite religious book, saying or otherwise, it only increases in frequency and one reason I try to avoid religion in my conversation.
I have witnessed a number, and the count is greater than first imagined, define my illness by their G-D like attitude, their RELIGION, leaving nothing for chance in a world that I believe is SPIRITUAL. My mind cannot be altered and the topic of religion on Sunday, closed for discussion and understandably so, even more in the here and now, does little to comfort me and my soul. It becomes another opportunity for others to try to re-affirm their religious conviction with me, around me and about me, as the only way, the TRUTH and I find the conversation more irritating than soothing, the props and a few acts not random kindness, but rather their selfless or selfish attempt to gain attention of a higher power, making sure that I am CONVERTED on their terms and their terms only, set by the laws that they believe to be true and factual.
And although stories have been shared of others they know having experienced a terminal illness, those beliefs now tossed my direction, were once tossed the direction of those 'others' and did not keep the others from death and dying and will not keep me from death and dying either.
Instead, they are able to re-affirm their religious posture, look at mortality and try to define its meaning through man-made words crafted to be those of G-D. This allows them to try to understand something that I fully do not and they do not either, terminal illness. It is comforting to believe that one is in 'G-Ds hands' and preferably, their G-D, not the G-D of the one who has passed or is nearing the end of life. We believe what we understand and accept as truth. We share our truth with another, hoping they will validate our truth. Religion is something that although deeply personal, is often questioned and needs validation through the spreading of a gospel, the word of G-D.
Amazingly on this day, as all others in the past that I can remember, each person has a different interpretation of the word of G-D, a message taught by man and woman and by spreading that word, one is able to better accept and deal, even understand a part of life, a part that I believe is spiritual and sacred to be left up to individual thought and interpretation and pondered not always as fact, but as a way of viewing 'things', symbolically, metaphorically, self expressed to comfort the mind of those left behind, not those who's energy has changed form through already having experienced death.
I will continue to listen and accept with kindness, words and tokens and symbols of another's religious experience. I will be a spiritual being through human experience and realize that a human being through a spiritual experience is different and too often seen as 'the way', many times, the 'only way', or religion.
posted by the warrior at 1:09 PM
1 Comments:
Excellent piece, Eric. May I keep a copy for the day I might return to hospice chaplaincy? I ask because you very eloquently describe the frustration and the simultaneous kind tolerance of the attempts to 'save' a soul before 'it is too late' for said soul.
While my training explains to me the why of the well-meaning (and even more the not so well meaning-is there anything worse than the self-delusional? "I care about your soul!" No, the speaker wants to make brownie points:), not much of my training covered the resulting trauma the assualt inflicted on the 'unsaved' and I think the lack is a damn shame.
You are a bit younger than I-I just turned fifty; so you may not have seen 'The Steambath' on PBS back in the '70s. In the film, God is an angry/gentle/irritable/patient little Puerto Rican in a 'wife-beater' undershirt and khaki trousers who runs a steambath-the antechamber to Heaven-and His hook line is that Heaven is what you make of it, if at all; it's up to you to take it or leave it because He is not going to shove Himself or Heaven down your throat.
I'm reasonably confident this is closer to the reality than most organized religions take on the matter.
Everyone reacts to someone's impending death differently; those with a strong religious affliation usually react by trying to comfort the dying with their version of 'the truth' so that he/she who is coping with a terminal illness will find strength in the thought that perhaps this is not all there is after all.
The trouble is, most would be evangalists/comforters don't get the hint and drop it when the intended's eyeballs either glaze or blaze:)
It adds to the burden of the dying, I think, and is another damn shame.
So, I thank-you for your patience, and I apologize profusely that you need it all.
Bianca
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