tuesday 02.05
I feel rejected because I am rejection. It surrounds me. I do not wish for it and create it. It follows me and I cannot hide from it. It is part of me now and something I must work through and understand or at least try to understand.
And with all of the life experience, the book taught, the street smart, the drunken brutality of ‘truth serum’, the listening and the speaking and the thinking and the believing, IT is powerful, this rejection, and rejection shifts me away from what I am most comfortable with and toward that which I now know my future to be, away from the here and now and toward my destiny and the afterlife.
As I continue to spiral, however fast or slow it may be, I am rejected and I am rejection as my soul prepares to take flight, my energy concentrated and my gifts carefully packaged, mislabeled and sometimes mishandled, but to be delivered and surrendered to my creator, G-D, upon direct command. Although it is not over, the transition has begun and comfort abounds, strangely, as I know, Not when but why. Not how but what. Where is a forgone conclusion of sort.
And with all of the life experience, the book taught, the street smart, the drunken brutality of ‘truth serum’, the listening and the speaking and the thinking and the believing, IT is powerful, this rejection, and rejection shifts me away from what I am most comfortable with and toward that which I now know my future to be, away from the here and now and toward my destiny and the afterlife.
As I continue to spiral, however fast or slow it may be, I am rejected and I am rejection as my soul prepares to take flight, my energy concentrated and my gifts carefully packaged, mislabeled and sometimes mishandled, but to be delivered and surrendered to my creator, G-D, upon direct command. Although it is not over, the transition has begun and comfort abounds, strangely, as I know, Not when but why. Not how but what. Where is a forgone conclusion of sort.
posted by the warrior at 12:52 AM
3 Comments:
I've been reading your post and your last post left me with a profound and deep sadness. As you wrote in your previous post there is one being who has not rejected you and that is your furry companion. Ashley seems to be providing you with unconditional love no matter what her physical form here on earth may be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Eric, You are, without a doubt, one of the bravest people I've known of. I wish you peace and comfort on your journey.
Hiya fella, thanks for tonight's visit. I'm unsure what you are going through physically, yet, I feel a strong calling to reply to you with these words. Not one of us will get out of this alive.
I have Hepatitis C and did a full year of treatment. In that year, I felt my spirit try to exit after injecting Intron A 3x weekly. I also sensed the spirits of my deceased mother and older brother who died in my home comforting me although I couldn't see them with me.
Taking on the inner madness of that chemical therapy brought me to my knees many times and am now grateful for going through that part of my journey. I believe that there are no coincidences and that every hardship I endure is preparation for my next journey, whatever that journey is, I know and trust that I'll not be alone in the sense in which I had come to know the term "alone."
The yr I took on treating, I had seen my last living relative pass the veil alond with encountering my middle brother's death from an auto accident. My taking on treatment was in my heart of hearts a type of kami kazi style of suicide using prescribed pharmaceuticals. The treatment is very harsh..but I'm still here groveling with what my role will be in the next play, moreover,
I'm sensing that you will be an another character within this next play of my life, kiddo.
I'm 12 yrs your senior meaning that I was born in the "year of the snake" with my birth in a new moon phase on July 11th in Roswell, New Mexico.
I'd like to hang out with you, if I may.
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