approaches
I awoke to pounding in my ears, first the right, then the left and back again until the two were pounding in unison, the pressure building, telling me instinctually that a migraine of some significance was building quickly, fast enough to awaken me, make me take my medicine from pills I have been given to prevent and subside symptoms, to breathing medications in the form of a nebulizer so that I can relax my system and hopefully ward off that which sits in waiting, a migraine.
It could be arriving due to the drastic change in the weather that is taking place over a very short period of time, temperatures dropping in excess of forty degrees from the high yesterday as well as the worry the my father is to return home today, against the better judgment of his siblings, knowing that the ability to continue with rehabilitative therapy in a controlled setting, for at least another week, is something that he should be taking advantage of, instead of assuming that help that has not been arranged will find him upon returning home. The obstacles that stood in his way the first time he was released still remain, having been talked about their removal for days with no action being taken for it to come into fruition.
I shared my concerns with him the night before last and he appeared to listen intently and knowing that I was not the only one encouraging him to stay in a less than desirable place to obtain the care that he needs to gain some sort of mobility and independence, I am slightly taken back by his decision to move forward, demanding a release as he cannot be kept their against his will.
The thought of bickering and yelling between he and my mother helps my head none, keeping in mind that his sister still remains and thus it might be tame for a day or two until her departure at which point I will spend more time in the room I occupy to stay balanced and centered, counting the days until I leave for Chicago, wishing I was leaving on a permanent basis, locking the door behind me with Ashley Marie in tow, belongings shipped to a destination unknown. Instead, I will return to see that nothing has changed just like it had not changed in the years I stayed away as the routine my parents have created is theirs and anyone who walks into their home, follows their rules and thus, for the most part, this is the reason my siblings stay away as they cannot handle the stress, the yelling and the constant nagging.
Add my father's lack of mobility and his recovery and it makes for one hell of a ticking time bomb that could explode if the wrong words are said or if something is misinterpreted on either side, my mother demanding her time, my father demanding it and everyone else's too. The fact that the refrigerator was cleaned out and re-stoked with red meat discusts me but the thought that I will be expected to cook it, exhausts me and the last two months have been exhausting enough, me fighting infection after infection, having little energy except to accomplish the chores that I have to do to keep my things in some sort of order, rather than the clutter that consumes the rest of the house.
So, as the medicine kicks in I will take another stroll out doors and wait for the front to approach, a damp rain coming with it and expected to last throughout the weekend with temoperatures that will create a constant bone chill for me, something I dread before it even has taken place as I know the consequences and how easily a sudden drop as is expected combined with the other stressors I write about might be enough to put me back into bed, where I spent four days and nights last week and three the prior.
The winter has been long and the toll on my body great but at least I continue to breathe, which is reason enough to celebrate and feel grateful no matter what my body is telling me.
It could be arriving due to the drastic change in the weather that is taking place over a very short period of time, temperatures dropping in excess of forty degrees from the high yesterday as well as the worry the my father is to return home today, against the better judgment of his siblings, knowing that the ability to continue with rehabilitative therapy in a controlled setting, for at least another week, is something that he should be taking advantage of, instead of assuming that help that has not been arranged will find him upon returning home. The obstacles that stood in his way the first time he was released still remain, having been talked about their removal for days with no action being taken for it to come into fruition.
I shared my concerns with him the night before last and he appeared to listen intently and knowing that I was not the only one encouraging him to stay in a less than desirable place to obtain the care that he needs to gain some sort of mobility and independence, I am slightly taken back by his decision to move forward, demanding a release as he cannot be kept their against his will.
The thought of bickering and yelling between he and my mother helps my head none, keeping in mind that his sister still remains and thus it might be tame for a day or two until her departure at which point I will spend more time in the room I occupy to stay balanced and centered, counting the days until I leave for Chicago, wishing I was leaving on a permanent basis, locking the door behind me with Ashley Marie in tow, belongings shipped to a destination unknown. Instead, I will return to see that nothing has changed just like it had not changed in the years I stayed away as the routine my parents have created is theirs and anyone who walks into their home, follows their rules and thus, for the most part, this is the reason my siblings stay away as they cannot handle the stress, the yelling and the constant nagging.
Add my father's lack of mobility and his recovery and it makes for one hell of a ticking time bomb that could explode if the wrong words are said or if something is misinterpreted on either side, my mother demanding her time, my father demanding it and everyone else's too. The fact that the refrigerator was cleaned out and re-stoked with red meat discusts me but the thought that I will be expected to cook it, exhausts me and the last two months have been exhausting enough, me fighting infection after infection, having little energy except to accomplish the chores that I have to do to keep my things in some sort of order, rather than the clutter that consumes the rest of the house.
So, as the medicine kicks in I will take another stroll out doors and wait for the front to approach, a damp rain coming with it and expected to last throughout the weekend with temoperatures that will create a constant bone chill for me, something I dread before it even has taken place as I know the consequences and how easily a sudden drop as is expected combined with the other stressors I write about might be enough to put me back into bed, where I spent four days and nights last week and three the prior.
The winter has been long and the toll on my body great but at least I continue to breathe, which is reason enough to celebrate and feel grateful no matter what my body is telling me.
posted by the warrior at 4:06 AM
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