an uneasy feeling

I have not gone to see my father yet, who has now been transferred to a Rehabilitative Facility although I do not allow the title to get my hopes up as when I get the daily report from my mother or my brother, It is obvious it is going to take more than Rehab to bring my father home in the allotted time insurance allows and then after that as well.

I could give all the excuses that I run through my brain, sometimes screaming at me and me screaming back for them to shut the fuck up, I made my decision and my decision is what it is and there is no need to explain it period. And there is a part of me that knows that it is the right thing and what a person in a family does when another is ill...and I should rest my case there as I am ill and the thought of seeing no will or little will and I saw it happening many months ago as he slowly did less and less, I am frustrated, angered as I have fought so hard and I expect him to fight as hard if not harder to show me that the fight is worth it and that by fighting and using the strength that we do not even realize we have, we can overcome and outlive and out expect what the experts predicted based upon black and white evidence as I have...

And I become tired and know that I need to resolve myself from the issue altogether as I know I am not in control, I continue to follow my path and in following ,I know how drained I am and how grueling everyday chores have become and my doing is less and less and the pain greater and greater and that way down deep tell me something more feeling is slipping away and I have to rest, preferably slumber but rest, altogether.