love
I greeted you yesterday as I always do and as you looked into my mirror you said nothing, responding in a pitch so low tat if I had not read your lips, I would have felt slided once again. You played this game as the day wore on. Coming and going as you saw fit, pleasing yourself and forgetting that there were people around you who would have been elated to be recognized, for you to share with or show any sign that you might care about anyone but yourself.
Instead, the energy in the house was thick, dark and dreary as the day was cold, the wind howling through the windows, providing a sense of bone chill, a chill that you had already instilled in your actions or lack thereof throughout the morning hours and continuing.
As the phone rang your tone changed and you spoke louder, sending a sign in my direction that others where more important, that my mere presence was annoying to you but I was able to see through you and beyond you to remain centered as I was shunned, disheartened and sad, not only today, but many days and unfortunately, probably many more to come, as you used your clout as the matriarch to manipulate and make those closest to you you feel that distance you evoked as you wanted empathy that I refuse to give as I know your ways too well, your game by heart, wishing you had one and were capable of allowing me to hear it beat.
Two years ago and a month or two, I arrived here to the same look I was given this morning, one I should be used to and accustomed to, but I am not as you are my mother and the love I have for you is deep, the bond unbreakable even as you try and pretend it does not exist, that I do not exist in your world as I show you happiness and will and hope and you want none of the above only pity and Pity you I will not as I find the concept sick, sicker than I am and as I watch those with superficial ties give it to you, you spark up and concentrate on the negative you call your life bringing in to question why you are so miserable and have been for longer than today or the time I have been here, but for years, many years that have shaped your attitude and persona into a cold hearted woman that has the ability to strike like cobra a slither away as if nothing happened, again and again to as many as you choose, especially me as I am part of who you are, the part you can no longer find.
The day ended with me caving, crawling under my covers, like a small child, whimpering and sniffling and finally falling asleep into an hour's worth of slumber as I awoke to wipe the tears from my eyes and to the licking of Ashley, telling me in her way that it would soon be alright and wishing that you would give that which you have been incapable and unwilling to give, love.
Instead, the energy in the house was thick, dark and dreary as the day was cold, the wind howling through the windows, providing a sense of bone chill, a chill that you had already instilled in your actions or lack thereof throughout the morning hours and continuing.
As the phone rang your tone changed and you spoke louder, sending a sign in my direction that others where more important, that my mere presence was annoying to you but I was able to see through you and beyond you to remain centered as I was shunned, disheartened and sad, not only today, but many days and unfortunately, probably many more to come, as you used your clout as the matriarch to manipulate and make those closest to you you feel that distance you evoked as you wanted empathy that I refuse to give as I know your ways too well, your game by heart, wishing you had one and were capable of allowing me to hear it beat.
Two years ago and a month or two, I arrived here to the same look I was given this morning, one I should be used to and accustomed to, but I am not as you are my mother and the love I have for you is deep, the bond unbreakable even as you try and pretend it does not exist, that I do not exist in your world as I show you happiness and will and hope and you want none of the above only pity and Pity you I will not as I find the concept sick, sicker than I am and as I watch those with superficial ties give it to you, you spark up and concentrate on the negative you call your life bringing in to question why you are so miserable and have been for longer than today or the time I have been here, but for years, many years that have shaped your attitude and persona into a cold hearted woman that has the ability to strike like cobra a slither away as if nothing happened, again and again to as many as you choose, especially me as I am part of who you are, the part you can no longer find.
The day ended with me caving, crawling under my covers, like a small child, whimpering and sniffling and finally falling asleep into an hour's worth of slumber as I awoke to wipe the tears from my eyes and to the licking of Ashley, telling me in her way that it would soon be alright and wishing that you would give that which you have been incapable and unwilling to give, love.
posted by the warrior at 12:42 AM
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