same life path, different JOURNEY
This weekend is ushered in with many more smiles than several before and I accept it completely. I had the experience of firing and then hiring a hospice team and the over all experience was a bit more draining, physically and mentally, than I had envisioned when I felt, in that down deep space in my gut, that a hospice change was eminent.
After the third medication was delivered without the proper dosage and amount and after sharing my concerns up the line of command, I was more than convinced that the only option before me was a new hospice team. So as of Thursday evening late I am now a client of JOURNEY HOSPICE. My decision was well thought and discussed, considering I never imagined being 'forced' to make a change and like moving, it too had its stressors. But knowing that I had six months worth of experience as a patient, I knew what care I needed and what care I had the right to expect.
Now that the transfer is complete I believe the opportunity is before me to focus more on a 'wellness plan', less on micro-management of people that conveyed their competency, their passion, their concern only to learn that when the lights turned off at dusk, I too was another number and those proclaiming to be worthy of befriending were merely following a structure that was mostly mandated and directed by federal standards and the rest, by a set of guidelines imposed by persons who have, at best, been instructed to be more clinical and less emotional in a care situation that only separates the clinical and the emotional by subjective job descriptions.
All the words of 'we are hear for you, this is your care, we care deeply about your well being', were spoken without feeling, but with order of instruction from hospice administrators. To not hear a parting word was little surprise ,but the feeling of loss does linger and the feeling of mistrust does allow me time to reflect. Another memory has been etched in my mind and what I will and do remember has the potential to keep me guarded at first, with my new team from JOURNEY. The knowledge gained from ST. Michaels is invaluable and will prove useful to myself and others who are placed in the position, to determine the quality and participants in end of life care, this caring specifically being mine.
The very thought of non-attachment to my situation and to me proved itself after I gave word, out of respect, of my intentions, to those caring for me, only to be left, strangely, without any well wishes or signs of remorse or concern for my overall health care or the mistakes and inconsistencies that I could no longer nor should have to tolerate. The bottom line, I was a number and the players, some without the authority to correct a pointed out and previously discussed situation showing signs of incompetence, parted without being able to correct a growing problem, for administration was not willing to listen to my concerns and correct them, including replacing some team members. I watched my faith in their ability to care clinically, emotionally, stop on all levels and the promises of never walking alone prove false.
Being more knowledgeable through my experience, my family and untimately me were able to carefully and methodically choose a new team that has shown the ability to think outside the box in their care for the terminally ill and THIS makes me feel good. Knowing what worked and what failed with my previous team, allowed me the ability to walk cautiously and listen for 'buzz' words that needed to be spoken to me and to my family and again to me with conviction, to make a decision on future care.
That decision now made, I feel refreshed and balance like I felt once before, upon accepting my disease and embracing my terminal fate as my own.
After the third medication was delivered without the proper dosage and amount and after sharing my concerns up the line of command, I was more than convinced that the only option before me was a new hospice team. So as of Thursday evening late I am now a client of JOURNEY HOSPICE. My decision was well thought and discussed, considering I never imagined being 'forced' to make a change and like moving, it too had its stressors. But knowing that I had six months worth of experience as a patient, I knew what care I needed and what care I had the right to expect.
Now that the transfer is complete I believe the opportunity is before me to focus more on a 'wellness plan', less on micro-management of people that conveyed their competency, their passion, their concern only to learn that when the lights turned off at dusk, I too was another number and those proclaiming to be worthy of befriending were merely following a structure that was mostly mandated and directed by federal standards and the rest, by a set of guidelines imposed by persons who have, at best, been instructed to be more clinical and less emotional in a care situation that only separates the clinical and the emotional by subjective job descriptions.
All the words of 'we are hear for you, this is your care, we care deeply about your well being', were spoken without feeling, but with order of instruction from hospice administrators. To not hear a parting word was little surprise ,but the feeling of loss does linger and the feeling of mistrust does allow me time to reflect. Another memory has been etched in my mind and what I will and do remember has the potential to keep me guarded at first, with my new team from JOURNEY. The knowledge gained from ST. Michaels is invaluable and will prove useful to myself and others who are placed in the position, to determine the quality and participants in end of life care, this caring specifically being mine.
The very thought of non-attachment to my situation and to me proved itself after I gave word, out of respect, of my intentions, to those caring for me, only to be left, strangely, without any well wishes or signs of remorse or concern for my overall health care or the mistakes and inconsistencies that I could no longer nor should have to tolerate. The bottom line, I was a number and the players, some without the authority to correct a pointed out and previously discussed situation showing signs of incompetence, parted without being able to correct a growing problem, for administration was not willing to listen to my concerns and correct them, including replacing some team members. I watched my faith in their ability to care clinically, emotionally, stop on all levels and the promises of never walking alone prove false.
Being more knowledgeable through my experience, my family and untimately me were able to carefully and methodically choose a new team that has shown the ability to think outside the box in their care for the terminally ill and THIS makes me feel good. Knowing what worked and what failed with my previous team, allowed me the ability to walk cautiously and listen for 'buzz' words that needed to be spoken to me and to my family and again to me with conviction, to make a decision on future care.
That decision now made, I feel refreshed and balance like I felt once before, upon accepting my disease and embracing my terminal fate as my own.
posted by the warrior at 7:33 AM
2 Comments:
Hospice was originally about restoring a sense of dignity and recognition of "the person", not "a patient"; the background music was probably Bob Segar's 'I'm Not a Number!' because the hospice ideals were formed during the time that song was big on the charts.
The more laws were enacted, and sadly, the more money people found they could make, the more hospice turned into an industry. The ghouls really started coming out of the woodwork, too.
I am hopeful that your new team will be meaning what they say, and doing what they say they mean to do.
Any road, I am so glad to hear you sound more optimistic! I was worrying about you.
I hope you find what you're looking for, old friend. Change can often inject new life, and it sounds like the old team was a little stale.
I still keep up with your postings, even if I lack the time to comment on most days. I hope today is a good day for you.
Post a Comment
<< Home