wednesday 12.07

I am starting or continue for that matter to dabble in relationships, friendship and otherwise, thinking often about what they mean and how, if at all, they fit into my existence as I sit here now. I look upon friendship as a relationship and I find that more often than not I play the role of a psycho-therapist making sure the next one is comfortable or at least semi-knowledgeable of the journey I embark on, the path I walk. And this I must say makes for some interesting thought and more than one sleepless hour as I toss and turn and often toss again is wonderment.

I wonder about what another thinks, what another is trying to convey to me. The comfort or lack thereof, the feeling of temporary loss while I am still here and the whole time I remember my feelings from afar and days ago when I too was posed with the questions regarding terminal and I, unlike many I have met, accepted the role as the care giver but more importantly, was not afraid to enter into a relationship knowing that each day mattered greatly, there was no time or little time for a cheap courting and the truth was essence in my understanding and ability to do for another what I would want done for myself.

So as I sit here and think and the thoughts go back and forth. reappearing when I want and then sometimes when I least expect it, I think and know that I too am just a little frightened but am so willing to take the risk, for the risk is all I know and the relationship meaningful as my spirit gathers strength and support from another and my spirit provides support and strength to another. I refuse to not participate and this I know is good for my mental although taxing on my sometimes made up and unrealistic emotions.