Another late night and I find myself unable to slumber, sitting quietly in the room watching Ashley Marie as she sleeps peacefully, often awakening to check on me or see what I might be doing. I re-assure her that all is alright and she lays her head back down, with a groan of sorts and falls back to sleep, a light sleep as to know what I am doing.

I have made my excursion outdoors and the wind makes for an unpeaceful journey as the howling and the gusting takes the hot embers from my lit cigarettes and scatters them across the lawn and I watch as they burn themselves out, reminding me of a city at night turning off the lights the later it becomes and the more people retire for the evening.

My thoughts ramble in my head, much to do and more to think about and I have an uneasy feeling that will not go away with any medication, pain or otherwise. I think of my health and demand my mind stop and wander to other issues but coming back to the sickness that has caused me to write in the first place and although I accept the terms thrown in my direction, there are many questions that I cannot have answered to my satisfaction as there simply are no answers that suffice my wanting to know and my needing to know.

I listen as my belly growls and moans, as if a person is conducting a rendition of a song with a full blown orchestra of second graders, the rendition not so easy on the ears and the sounds themselves awkward at best and just plain bad...

I will make another attempt at going outside, believing that I need to keep moving, even at this hour as somehow, someway I am determined to get the slumber my body so yearns for but my mind disallows tonight, like most nights of late and in the past.