monday 22.05

...a conversation piece was purchased and put together by my brother to replace the table my parents already had. This is to be more functional and easier for my father to maneuver as it is a high table, in essence, like the barstool, only more pieces to converse around and ofcourse, for my father, as he already has declared his ownership and spot.

it proved a useful symbol of conversation that 'headed south' and cannot be recovered as viewpoints are different, attitudes formed and perceptions, individual. however, I have chosen NOT to entertain the idea of watching the hand dictate conversation at a meal and now, more than ever, will walk away at the first sign of my definition of abuse, mental or verbal.

i now am much clearer as to what drove me away from the nest 24 years ago and what kept me away and why, the pit of my stomach has become a hollow pool of infection and ache. and I choose never to return to that place of self hatred and destruction, created by another, only acted upon by me.