monday 23 05

My lack of words speak volumes toward how I am feeling. I knew it was a rough Winter and told people so. I did not know that the Spring would bring more complications and greater discomfort. It obviously is a sign of my steady demise, which I too often believe is not taking place as there are so many different things that I want to accomplish and as I set my expectations high, I find more obstacles, human and otherwise, that prevent me from doing that which my soul tells me I need to be doing before I can no longer do them.

It causes me to think when I now guide an aide to assist me in doing my chores as I no longer have the strength nor the energy to do them alone with any sense of completion. And when I try, I am forced to take many breaks and often feel the effects long after, a day of rest more than deserving in my thinking, without it, I can feel my body wanting to temporarily shut down.

I tell people I am lucky for I have had a good run. I keep buying shoes as I do not want my run to be over. I have out lived what was predicted but the complications of disease require my full attention.

At the same time, I have things I still need to do and a place or two to visit. I will dig deep and hope that the term 'the possibilities are endless' still applies to me as well.