dream request 2006 and the 'dream team'

Throughout my journey, the day to day struggles on might call life, I am fulfilled. One time this fulfillment might spark a range of anger, another denial, pure exhaustion, a case of frustration, love in a true form and the fear of the unknown.

I have spent my times beyond the what ifs and into the arena of acceptance and have learned that through acceptance I have been able to be a teacher, a mentor, a friend, a lover, a confident and an advocate for many different persons and to many different causes. And having had the thought 'no one said life was going to be easy' instilled through maturation, I have reveled in my experiences, never to shy away from the path with the greatest of hardship and resistance.

I have been told that my mother knew she had her hands full when at the age of two, while living in Rochester, NY, I offered my winter coat to a homeless man passing us by. A starving artist and black sheep who cares for others. Now, having just turned 40, I have given away many coats. I was brought up in a loving family, one unlike the Waltons but more like a DR. Phil show waiting to air, but it still remains my family with all its dysfunction and recently I moved home after 22 years as medical issues force me to return to the nest. No significant other, no wife, no kids, a support animal, dirty laundry and a little social security disability money and a terminal illness: end stage organ failure from a complete auto immune system dysfunction.

People tell me I am a different kind of soul that often attracts a dark cloud. I disagree, knowing that I attract those in need and whether it be mentoring or helping an acquaintance through a bad day, I have focused on listening, compassion and patience. I fight for the rights of the disabled, research issues, form opinions and believe in a cause and if this can further the development of someone else, I have met my goal and been successful. I have worked through personal disability, loss and great love to empower my spirit more. And throughout this path, I often only asked for simplicity in return, nothing, a smile can warm the heart just fine.

Now I am asking for something. I am asking that my dream to hot air balloon next to the Grand Teton or fly fish in Montana be fulfilled for me and a caregiver. I want to awake and taste the dew on my brow, feel the blow wind with my hand, smell the purity of the unseen colors, hear what birds and fish hear and see nature, the creation of wonderment from an abstraction. I want to slowly soar above and free my soul, if only for a short time, from the constant battle I now call life. I want to awe in the color, the texture and question the beauty and be mind struck and baffled in a single breath. I want to feel the exhilaration, the fear of the unknown and the excitement of dreaming all at once. Most important, I want to relax for a few days and kick my feet up, knowing I have done more than fulfilled and blessed others, I have fulfilled and blessed myself. I am dying and I am afraid. I also am resolute, mind body and spirit to the nearing afterlife. I want to leave this earth complete and with your help I shall.